What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
