If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
