If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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