I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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