Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
