He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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