I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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