Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
