you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
