Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
