You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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