it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
