it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
