Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
