Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
