I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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