You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
