I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
