Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
