What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
