remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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