OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
