I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my poor anus
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
