Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
