Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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