Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
