I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
