Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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