Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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