It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Vodka?
Forever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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