my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
