my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
