I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
