Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
