I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
