i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
