See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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