i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
