So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
