im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
