Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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