I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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