Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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