By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish you could order shots online.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dicks are not precious.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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