That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
