I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
