i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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