I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
