And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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