Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
