Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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