Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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