Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
