my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
