I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
