Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
