Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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