I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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