I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
