it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
