i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
