Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you will always have a special place in my vag
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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