The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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