guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he thought i was a dude.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
