Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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