dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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