Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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