I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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