Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
